When my mother passed away, a piece of my heart went with her. But she left behind something invaluable: our family’s cherished traditions.

As I navigated the grief and uncertainty of life without her, I realized that preserving these traditions was a way to keep her memory alive. It was a way to honor her, and to ensure that future generations would carry on her legacy.

In this Q&A discussion with Genealogy by Aryn, I’ll share how I’ve worked to keep our family traditions alive, even in the face of loss. From holiday celebrations to simple everyday rituals, I’ve found ways to incorporate these cherished practices into my own life and family.

A Q&A Reflection on Family Traditions for the Holidays

What traditions did your mom have during the holiday season? Have they changed since your mom or you were a child?

Decorating the tree was always a cherished family tradition. We exclusively had a live tree because Dad didn’t believe in artificial ones. He would often say, “If God wanted us to have a tree up, he wouldn’t want it to be artificial.” Mom would string with the lights, carefully maneuvering the step ladder as she worked, often exclaiming “OW” due to the prickles from the branches. 

Dad only participated in the decorating once, which was when he cut the tree down himself.

Listening to Christmas records while decorating became a cozy routine too, with Dad sitting nearby to watch the festivities unfold. Each year, we would trek up into the attic to retrieve our decorations, including the beloved manger set Grandpa had made, large Frosty the Snowman cutouts, and an array of ornaments. Decorating was a huge deal for us!

As I grew up and married, I made some concessions, which included agreeing to get a fake tree. It made me realize that when you’re married, these are the sacrifices you make.

Despite that change, memories of our heavy Christmas stand that could only be moved by my dad still linger, along with our tradition of always picking out a live tree. I remember one particularly stunning tree that Dad chopped wrong, resulting in all the needles falling off. We had to vacuum the mess up with an old vacuum that had a bag—definitely not a Dyson!

Among our many holiday traditions, one of the most memorable was our seasonal visits to a local ice cream place called Honey Hut, where we would select our trees. Until I was eight, we had a giant pine tree next to our bungalow house. I can still picture Dad climbing onto the roof while Mom skillfully scaled the tree to wrap lights around it. They wanted to create a magical experience for us kids. The anticipation built as we counted down—1…2…3…flip on the lights! My sister and I loved watching our parents work together to make it happen, a memory forever etched in my mind from the 80s.

Sometimes, the holidays would find me at Grandma’s house, surrounded by her beautifully decorated tree. Grandma was also the family chef and baker, and as soon as Thanksgiving wrapped up, we would dive into baking Christmas cookies. We’d whip up six to ten dozen cookies per type, filling containers for all our family members. Among our traditions were spritz cookies made with creamy butter and cream cheese, decorated with a quartered cherry or sprinkles, and kolachkes, which were diamonds filled with prune, apricot, and cream cheese. Nut rolls, apricot rolls, and prune rolls were also on our baking list. I fondly remember being Grandma’s little helper, always eager to learn and help in the kitchen.

Since Grandma passed, we’ve all missed Aunt Martha’s cookies, who we affectionately called “Bubba.” 

When guests visited, I’d grab cookies from a tin to share, each type reserved for certain people—a gesture I learned from Bubba and Nana Stephanie. Their “Come over” attitude taught me that being the hostess with the most is essential, especially as we remember those who came before us. It’s about being with family, sharing fun moments, and making our home a welcoming place for everyone.

Of course, no Christmas would be complete without going to church! I can still hear the joyful exclamations of “You girls!!” echoing in my mind, a special reminder of the holiday spirit we cultivated as a family.

How did your mom’s passing affect those traditions?

No more cookies from Grandma. I have the recipes but don’t share them. 

Then Jenna, my daughter, caught the baking bug, hoping to learn the recipes from me. She missed how Grandma would bake, but it was typically just for the immediate family. 

The holiday had changed significantly after I had my daughter, but after my mother passed away, I wanted to skip Christmas altogether because it was such a difficult time.  

Recently, Jenna expressed that after Grandma died in 2017, she felt she had lost her best friend. While I was aware that Jenna missed her Grandma, I didn’t realize how deeply it affected her.

Christmas had always meant so much to me growing up, filled with cherished memories of my mom—going sledding, building snowmen, and participating in childhood traditions like visiting Santa and Christmas shopping. I wanted the same for Jenna. So, when she was on break, she and I would go ice skating, see Christmas lights, and go tobogganing, creating our own set of traditions. 

The new traditions were special, even though it wasn’t exactly how it had been before Jenna was born. With my daughter in the family, my mom became “Grandma,” and she took Jenna to enjoy all the festive activities I couldn’t take her to because I had to work. 

Despite not being there for all of the new traditions, I was happy Jenna had the opportunity to experience the joy and fun with her Grandma. I also made sure to keep a special moment for the both of us. Each year we bonded through “Nutcracker love” adding another layer to Jenna’s Christmas experiences.

After losing my mom, I found it difficult to carry on the cherished traditions, feeling that the holiday spirit shifted from a family affair to just a time for Jenna and her. Over time, because of this disconnect, I carried the guilt of not continuing my mother’s traditions. Yet, as I grieved, there was a lingering voice in my head that echoed, “You never did this with us as kids.” 

I knew I needed time to heal.

In contrast, I remembered how my mom as “Grandma” could be the fun one, allowing the kids to indulge in sweets while I aspired to emulate that kind of grandmother one day when I took on that role and moniker. Looking forward, I hope to embrace being the best and most fun grandmother in the future.

I often reminisce about the moments we spent that first year without her, looking at the clock. Then, at midnight on Christmas, we all collectively exclaimed, “Okay, guys, we did it! We made it through without Mom. We’re still alive! Let’s live!” 

My mother wouldn’t have wanted us to be sad or mope around. She would have encouraged us to be silly, to throw snowballs, and to enjoy life despite the sadness.

Have you/your family continued those traditions? Created new ones? Both?

Decorating is a huge deal, especially when it comes to making memories with the kids. It’s important for them to be involved in decorating the tree, as it adds a personal touch to the holiday season. However, being a divorced parent means that you don’t always get to celebrate the holidays on the days you hoped for. For many, including myself, Christmas can sometimes stretch into the days following December 25th, making the holiday less about specific dates and more about the spirit of togetherness you choose to create. 

The traditions that endure are those that emphasize gathering together, no matter what day it is or how it looks. Whether it’s sharing a meal, watching football, or playing card games, what matters most is that we come together. I still remember the first Christmas after my mom’s passing, when we shared a lasagna dinner with family. That experience highlighted the importance of being together and having a meal as a way to honor our loved ones.

Over the years, the sense of family has changed significantly for me. While my genetic family has shrunk, my understanding of family has expanded to include many who are not related by blood. This includes cherished nieces and nephews, as well as close friends like Sally, my college roommate, and Kurt’s best friend. Family is not solely defined by blood relations; it is about who you choose to surround yourself with.

For those who may not get along with their biological family, it’s essential to remember that you have the power to create your own family, built on love, respect, and shared experiences.

What advice would you give to someone trying to preserve their family traditions in a world that is constantly changing?

Where you are in life, you must carry on and start a tradition. No matter what type of human you are, there are things and traditions you remember, whether they are Christmas-related or not. Traditions are what connect us all together, and connection in this world is lacking. They unite us across generations, reminding us of shared experiences. We can all identify with simple joys like going to see Christmas lights or decorating trees.

Some people have never had traditions, and they aspire to be different types of parents. Reflect on what you wish you had when you were a kid and start that tradition, no matter if you have kids or are a single adult. These elements of tradition carry us through life’s challenges.

When you lose someone, those memories of traditions are what you hold onto. You remember them because you performed those activities year after year in a certain way, creating a lasting emotional connection. It’s crucial to determine what traditions you want to carry on and which you’d like to leave behind.

Bee fearless, bee inspired, bee YOU—find some light in your life. Come back to your core values. If you’re unsure how to start, don’t hesitate to reach out to a friend. You might even hijack some of your friend’s Christmas cheer. Whatever makes you happy, make an effort to do more of that.

Takeaways on the Power of Family Tradition

While my story is my own, this exercise has revealed several core truths that I believe most anyone can reflect on and resonate with.

• Holidays can be challenging, and much of what you experience during these times hinges on your perspective and approach. Ultimately, only you can determine what you can handle and what you want to take away from the festivities. Finding your own balance in this chaos is key to making the most of these occasions.

 

• No matter what stage of life you are in, traditions play a crucial role in uniting us. They serve as a bridge that connects us to one another, creating opportunities for shared experiences. By engaging in these traditions, we can foster a sense of community and belonging, allowing us to connect on a deeper level.

 

• It’s important to remember that you have the freedom to choose what works for you. Take the traditions that resonate with you and carry them forward, or feel free to adapt and change them into something that feels right for your unique situation. Embrace what you love and let go of what doesn’t serve you, allowing your holiday experiences to be genuinely meaningful.

 

Whatever your own personal relationship is with your own family’s traditions—both past, current, and looking ahead to the future—I wish you and yours health, peace, and joy this holiday season!

Kelly Waite is 3Point Biz’s founder and corporate development engineer. She’s a serial entrepreneur and business consultant with two decades spent in operations, sales, and digital marketing. Passionate about helping solopreneurs and small businesses thrive, she also mentors young female professionals. A mentee herself of Real Talk Kim, she’s a self-described “Recovering Catholic” who approaches her work with passion and faith. She lives in Northeast Ohio with her husband.